(men at) Work In Progress.

I joined NeoCities and made this site with the intent of getting myself back on track. I want to get better at writing and regain a certain part of myself, a big one, that my senses tell me I sadly lost... I want my individuality back. I'm currently in school (sophomore, also I'm writing this AT school, today is november the 14th 3 PM I'm about to have a math test).

I ate lunch with me mum, my aunts & my uncle. I've got another maths test tomorrow. And there's gonna be a bloody debate about drugs at school. Hurray. It's also my last week of class at school. I'm basically gonna have an entire week of tests tomorrow, and THEN school would be over (not forever! again, I'm a sophomore.) for me. Should I be happy? It's another year kind of gone to waste. I at the same time don't think this was all in vain, however. I've been detaching more from people who kind of annoy me. Let me tell you, most people (fine, 87%) I've met are quite disappointing... For some reason I feel like I've been growing colder and getting more serious too. And at the same time I'm regaining my curious kid-like spirit. I'm slightly happier now. Writing about my day makes me feel happier. HTML makes me feel happier. I miss coding. I miss my sloppy webpages. I'm gonna create this awesome Emily Strange (shes not that much of a hot topic version of hello kitty, okay? her stories are actually really well written. for real I am actually more 'new wave' than emo) fanpage. Be patient and wait for it. Actually, is anyone even reading this right now? Hell, I haven't added any tags to my page right now. Whoops. Anyway, it's 4 PM now. I'm gonna add a cool background to this site. And some tags. Will also add a guestbook button, maybe. And more music too. Wish me luck (?).

Took said test today. I only answered half of the questions. Felt bad when I gave it to the teacher. Oh well... I did it in a hurry because I had to do some homework that was due today. Had to go down to the courtyard (hallway monitor told me to). Then I saw the 9th grade blokes having gym class. A certain blonde was there. I'm not gonna drop names, you know. If you wanna know what he looks like, just search up "blonde metalhead" (I gotta admit most of them look the same to me..). Simple as that!

Forgot to blog about what happened yesterday. Well, we had the debate. I personally think it was too black-and-white though. Only two sides. Either you supported the legalization of ALL drugs or didn't...there was no in between! Okay, well, it was only 2 people representing each side though. The rest of the class could object or ask questions. I obviously chose to stay in the crowd and raised my hand just to complain about the fact that this Biology textbook used in my school 11 years ago had this special page listing some drugs and their biochemical reactions in our body and blah blah, while our new one (the one we used this year) didn't have one bloody page that even mentioned, well, you know, drugs. I think it's RUBBISH. People discuss a lot on the legalization of drugs and their impacts on society while 75% of people (at least in my school) don't even know the types of drugs or even the lethal dose of caffeine (FUN FACT: it's 10 grams!).

Anyway, drugs & debates aside, when I left my last Chemistry 1 class (this year's last chem class obviously) my teacher gave me a handshake like how he did to all the other students but then started talking about my potential and how I could go far with it.. well that surprised me! I think it's cause I got a 10% in this one Chem 1 test...(I was studying for Biology that day. Father told me to, even though I was quite against it. Felt humiliated after I got the test). And then this other kid that was beside me at the moment suddenly started following and telling me I've got loads of potential for Astrophysics or something... See, I think that's wicked and all, but Astrophysics is a bit too much for me. Yes, I am a Physics person. Physics AND Arts. I tell my family members I wanna get a job in Computer Tech BECAUSE it's more acceptable than telling others I'd like to be................an artist overall. My LIFE DREAM is to be a musician......and I wouldn't mind at all doing other stuff like acting, painting, writing books, and yes maybe even programming. But being an IT tech is my plan B. When I started getting more into music overall, I was getting more and more interested in a music career, til one day, in 8th grade, I said to myself I'd be one of, or at least be a lot like "them". But who's "them", you ask?! All the amazing musicians I admire, relate to & listen to.... Andy Partridge, Crispian Mills, Alex Kapranos, Les Claypool, the Johns (from TMBG), Gaz Coombe, David Byrne, Adam Ant (wicked guy!), Neil Hannon, Joe Jackson, Peter Murphy, Mark Mothersbaugh, Beck, Ricky Wilson, Jack White, Terry Hall, Jello Biafra, Frank Zappa, Mark E. Smith, Jon Anderson, Elvis Costello......THE HIVES! and many others, you know...? Man, I really really really want to at least write songs for an album......I even met this person who wants to form a band. Not a cover band. She's more into goth rock, but we miraculously share very similar music taste/knowledge. Meeting her was one of the coolest things that happened this year. I wish I could talk to her more, though.

So, yes, I am a physics computer nerd. But I am also crazy for art. People usually perceive me as some nerdy metalhead...they think I listen to Deftones! I used to listen to that pop punk and nu metal stuff when I was in 6th and 7th grade....not that they're bad though...I just changed.....Wow, midnight's about to strike. I'm running out of things to talk about. Have I told you guys about my "stalkers"(people who slightly scare me)?.....well, next week's gonna be purely tests. Exam week, as some would say. I'm not nervous.

Well.....another year gone to waste. Or is it?

Today at the mall this metalhead-ish guy with a Burzum shirt kept staring at me and my Joy Division shirt. I stared back. Ha ha. Was he judging me? Oh well.

I promise I'll add a background to this blog.

"Last" day of tests for me. Well, I've actually gotta do 3 more, one on saturday, one on the 28th, and I forgot when's my Chemistry one gonna be. Still. Today was the last day of tests for most people. Highschoolers still have to go to school on saturday, however.

What I mean is, today was the last chance I had to talk to the Blondie. And I'm glad I missed it.

Finally had a chat with my "stalkers" I mentioned in the end of my last post. They're pretty ace. Most of them are from 8th grade. It's because I'm friends with this girl who knows them, so they approached us when I was chatting with her. Yeah. Ended up chatting with them too. We used to stare at each other before. Frankly, I think some of them are more interesting than some high schoolers I've met...

Now, let me tell you why I never talked to the Blondie despite having many chances to talk to him.

Right-o, well, one time, he smiled at me. This kid grabbed my mug (it had a photo of younger me in it) and proceeded to tell him how cute I was. He just glared and smiled at me. My friends then went on to slightly pester me on how I should've had a chat with the bloke. Said I would talk to him today. I didn't.

Well, last semester, there was this day I was planning to talk to him. Was 100% ready to walk up to him, greet him or something. Was listening to The Clash at that moment. Suddenly, this 8th grader(yes, one of those kids I talked to, I'll call him Ferdinand) popped out of nowhere and stared at my phone. It showed what I was listening to. He smiled at me, I smiled back. A very awkward moment. Got so distracted I gave up on talking to the Blondie kid. Thought to myself at that moment, "shite, now this 8th grader thinks I'm weird......I cocked it all up!!!!!!". I'm glad that happened, however. I actually lost some interest in the Blondie as I was now getting this weird feeling that someone was following me around.....I'm not gonna elaborate on it much. Still, the Ferdinand kid's a saint! I feel like he kind of saved me from talking to that yellow-haired WANKER. That lad's a total wanker, I tell you!

"So you hate him now?" Yes. Yes, I do. (will type more later, have to get a haircut

Please accept my sincerest apology for leaving you guys(is anyone even reading this?) hanging. Well. I was half-busy, but that's not an excuse.....Didn't have time to type on this blog.....well the haircut ended up pretty nice....will continue what I was writing on my last post. Yes, it's still about the Blondie twat.

I don't give a flying ****(I currently am unaware of any swearing policies on NeoCities, sorry.) if he looks like a fallen angel. Yes, he's a fallen angel and all that, fell from the heavens and went straight to hell. I do not believe in Heaven or Hell, but people use the "fallen angel" pick-up line a lot. Looks don't matter when you s******* h******d your own SISTER, who's 2 grades below you....Not acceptable regardless of the victim's age, but still, she's in 7th grade while he's a freshman...... "Ferdinand" (again, please accept my gratitude for that awkward moment, am much obliged) told me he heard from others that said Blondie is an absolute twat, but I didn't know he was THAT vile. He's friends with the kid's sister, so.... Interestingly enough, the only people who seem to dislike the yellow-haired plonker are his sister's close friends!..... What-ever. They're cooler than him anyway. I don't care if he's the "popular but quiet because he's oh-so-shy around everyone else *insert some other rubbish here*" kind of person... He's a LUDICROUS PONCE to me!... I bet he's only surrounded by others because he's blonde and oh-so-pretty...

Okay, one could say I'm falling for rumours, but I believe their credibility due to the fact that they came from his sister's close friends. His sister HATES him. I didn't know it'd be that serious. She didn't go see his "very important school project", I never saw her talking to him, hell, (from what I observed) she always maintains physical distance from him....she didn't even go see her own brother's stage play (well, it was pretty wonky)..... now I know why.

Moral of the story?.....most times people are absolutely not what they seem. Even if they have a good reputation around others. See: "charismatic" people/celebs who turned out to be absolute criminals. Especially "attractive" people....right, they may have bright blue eyes and "absobloodylutely" beautiful hair that leaves you gobsmacked or something.....they're only that beautiful because you just see them from afar.... Do you know their "red flags"? Do you know what kind of person they turn into when nobody's watching? This goes out to the people that pursue people a lot by their looks/their "idealized" version of them...Be alert, stay guarded....I gingerly pay attention to the small things other people do when I meet them...usually, it speaks volumes about them... I think it's why I have more acquaintances than friends or even fidus achates at school....most people aren't as shallow as we think.

Tread carefully around people you don't know. Don't jump into a bloody "cute fun friendly bubbly relationship" when you've only talked to them for, what, 3 months? Well, it ain't enough for me... people hide secrets. Very scurvy ones, sometimes.

Nevertheless, that Blondie is a dirty wanker! Sod off, you scum!

EDIT: I feel like I type too much on this blog, too much exclamation marks and everything (I blame it on the keyboard). I think it's because I really don't have much people to share stuff with. I apologize, will talk less on later posts. Please forgive me, I don't want to sound like a chatterbox. I promise I'll write about more important philosophical/whatever stuff, I just don't want to forget some events from my daily life.

Another year gone to waste. I'm getting "new year's anxiety". You could say I'm part of a minority that's not fond of new years & birthdays......

Again, feeling unaccomplished. I expected way more from myself. I think I can achieve some stuff during this school break though. I'm getting good at playing Mansize Rooster from Supergrass. Not enough. Not enough at all! It's such an easy song! I should already be playing guitar solos by now, but I'm a total failure. I could be making cool comics and writing cool books by now, but then I chose to distract myself with failed attempts to make friends with others. I'm a fool! Exactly why I think I lost a part of myself! I miss the days where I would read books, listen to new music, learn coding, play videogames all day long... not worrying about socializing at all... mum makes it worse, she's always complaining about how I'm not socializing enough... well, from what she told me, in her early years (10-17) she was the type of person I'd try to not get close to. You know, those types of people who like walking in groups, talk about teenage stuff, dating, whatever... Well, basically, I consider myself to be a more serious person. I'd very much rather discuss topics such as school subjects, numbers, independent magazines, crosswords....you get the idea, "loser" stuff (according to people).

Anyway, I feel like I'm a few steps away from becoming an utter failure. I can't accomplish what I want in time. Jack of all trades, master of none! Time's running out for me!

Forgive me for changing the topic, but I'd like to register some of today's stuff here. I had to go to "saturday school" AND stay for church. 3 PM to 7 PM. Did not like any second of it. Me mum thinks I believe in god. Been a "non-believer" since, what, 7th grade. My dad thinks religion shouldn't mix with anything (education, politics, etcetera). 100% agree with him. I really like how he's not fond of how me mum enforces catholicism on me. Thank you, dad. I'm not ready to lose that man. He turned 61 on November 30th. Also, I ate dinner at the mall with him. Ran into that blondie twat at the food court. Surrounded by people, like always.

I truly think enforcing ANY religious belief on others is utter nonsense. I think it's like assuming only your is the correct one. Ah, imagine being that close-minded. It's why I like when media and schools give visiblity to other (all, if possible!), lesser-known cultures & religions. Our world is so diverse. Why enforce your culture on others when you could be doing something better, such as teaching others moral values like respect and acceptance? Oh, please, sod off with your "superiority".... such a foolish belief.... when we all, no exception, will meet the same fate, death....

WHAT THE FUCK IS ENTHALPY? I HATE IT!

Okay, my grades are getting better. I haven't been eating well. There might be hope for me. All's well that ends well. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. ~To die by your side........wait, what? Anyways...

You Oingo Boingo freaks really need to check out Bill Nelson's Red Noise, Punishment Of Luxury and Wall Of Voodoo. Amazing bands. I swear.

I've been making stencils. I made an XTC one. We really are DIY'ing here. I still really want to read Ulysses and Finnegan's Wake.

Alright, I have to work on my Emily Strange fansite now.

(Also expressing my gratitude to whoever commented on my guestbook!)